Hiding or Prowling?

Over the years (dare I say decades), my personal healing work has centered on clearing the patterns and programs of others from my energy field as well as bring in, and consciously receiving, Unconditional Love. Sounds so silly. Why would anyone need to focus on "allowing" themselves to receive Love? At first, that was my main question. Cognitively, it makes sense that everything is energy. Money, time, sound, Light, intention, my kitchen table...all of it is energy, right? And we also know the Universe is in a constant state of give and take, ebb and flow. It also hates a vacuum. So when something is changed/moved/removed, the Universe WILL replenish with something else in its place. We set an intention, use our energy and make it happen.

Well, I tend to be a little on the hard-headed side. And while all of these things I get, what I didn't get is that the Universe works with Divine Will but also works around our own life blueprint and sacred contracts. When we block our blessings by hiding in plain sight, denying our birthright of Love (prosperity, abundance, healing, intuitive guidance and Godly self-validation), we in fact clog up the system...back up the blessings in our own lives.

I was guided to pick a few meditations from Orin and Daben since they are having this great sale on old titles. I've worked with some of their programs off and on over the years, and it's amazing how we don't SEE something until we are ready. A few of the journey titles that have been helpful for me lately are Radiating Unconditional Love and Overcoming the Self-Destruct. The "Love" part, although I've always been great at sharing it with others, I only recently discovered that I felt unworthy of receiving all these years (current and past life "stuff"). Recently, while doing the "Overcoming" journey with Sanaya Roman and Orin, I met a part of myself that was a young girl, 19-20 years old, who was hiding in the trees chasing away all opportunities to be acknowledged and seen. When she came out to meet me, I was touched at her misguided attempts to protect us. She shapeshifted into a leopard then as we shared our feelings of compassion for one another, finally softened and trusted that we must work together for our own evolution and prosperity. We then merged and agreed to respect each others strenghts and to really listen to and acknowledge one another opinions.

After all the deep work I've done on myself, and with others, in the past on this subject, I just knew this would have already been a done deal. I'm reminded of my shamanic teachers reminding us that life, and its lessons, are encountered in a circle that often circles in a spiral, towards center. One teacher pointed out how often I am like the animal that hides in the reeds by the stream. It knows coming out into the open, to partake in life, sustenance of the brook and warmth of the sun seems so dangerous it's paralyzing. And at the same time, it is imperative to my very survival. So this week, I commit to leaving the safety of hiding to venture to the stream to live life more fully.

Farewell to a Ball of Unconditional Love

This week was at once liberating and extremely challenging at the same time. We put down our love, Roxie, on Saturday 1/2/10. During her life, from start to the very finish, she was the epitome of Unconditional Love.

My husband and I adopted Roxie from the Los Angeles County Animal Shelter December 2006. She was a calm, smallish dog who was unassuming and seemed to have given up on life. Upon reading the paperwork taped to the outside of her cold, cramped, concrete cell, we saw she was approximately 9 months old and had been returned 3 times by her adopting families. Only the last one left a hint as to why: "I can't afford to take care of this dog!" We questioned the caretaker who said she was on antibiotics for kennel cough, but otherwise is fine. We paid our $38 for her spaying, licensing and first round of immunizations.

The county gives you a voucher to get the first veterinary visit paid for. When the vet came back into the room after taking xrays due to an irregular heartbeat, I felt my own heart drop. Roxie had an enlarged heart, likely due to an unknown illness as a puppy, which required expensive treatment which would never cure her, only prolong her life some. His recommendation was immediate euthanizing.

Huh? Not this sweet, unassuming little ball of licks and love. She looked so longingly into my eyes that I abrasively thanked him for his expert opinion and told him we will give her a home, love and a great life for as long as she wanted to stay in her body. He cocked his head like a hound listening for a high-pitched whistle, shrugged his shoulders and wished me luck.

At this point, I chose to look at time as precious and to never tell my family of the "death sentence." I just said she had a few health challenges that require the best of care and we will love on her and enjoy her (as we should one another) for as long as God saw fit to keep us together. We had great adventures together as a family. We camped, hiked, went to the beach, took long walks at sunset and watched chick flicks together into the wee hours of the night. She was my friend, my girl, my spiritual partner and co-parent in so many ways. She touched the life of every person she ever met. And when she was done, she went to Heaven without a minute of regret...self-assured that she did the job she was sent here to do, now free to return to Heaven.

I've learned alot of great lessons from that Roxie Girl. I learned to savor every moment, to love without hesitation, to forgive without exception and to give and receive as much love as I possibly can. Rest in peace precious angel.